Healing
Your Painful Relationships
By Cheryl Dusty
What is the one thing that all human beings attempt to avoid
at all costs? Pain and the slow process of healing. We are
a quick fix generation.
I believe that it is possible, through energy and spirit,
to get to the very core and heal the issues once and for all.
I like things simple, and perhaps this approach will also
appeal to you.
Relationships are our greatest teachers in life. Many times
relationships mirror back the very qualities or issues that
we need to heal in ourselves. Sometimes relationships act
as catalyst for the changes that we need to make. Sometimes
relationships help us expand our capacity to test and move
closer to unconditional love.
How do we take the first step? BY ACKNOWLEDGING OUR FEELINGS!
Ever heard the expression, “children should be seen and
not heard?” Some of us have been taught since childhood
that it is not acceptable to express emotion or to show our
feelings. There are some people who believe that feelings
only get in the way. And then there are those people that
believe if they express their emotion, that others will think
they are so “out of control” that they won’t
even want to be their friend, let alone their lover. So we
learn to play the game of “looking perfect” lest
anyone see that we aren’t who we pretend to be.
What we don’t seem to recognize is that by experiencing
and acknowledging our feelings, we are one step closer to
identifying the issues in our lives that need healing, as
well as coming one step closer to our spirit or connection
with whatever you perceive to be your Higher Power or the
Devine.
Therefore, to move along in the process of feeling and healing,
we have to first identify the emotions that we are experiencing
besides anger and fear (I say besides, because those of us
who are out of touch with our emotions find it easiest to
identify anger or fear). The emotions that we experience are
those that we choose to experience. Many of us have stuffed
our emotions for so long that we are no longer aware of exactly
what we are feeling. This is the case so often in people who
have trouble with addictions, eating disorders, conduct disorders,
and those that go from one unsuccessful relationship to another.
This process will teach us to get beyond what we think we
are feeling and into the body of emotions that have been lost
to us. Sometimes we have to begin working with those emotions
that we feel the strongest. We have to get “out of our
heads” and “into our guts” and experience these
emotions. Living in our heads is a reaction and safety mechanism
that protects us from things that we were not able to handle
in our pasts. The trick is to determine when a belief or reaction
no longer serves us, and we must clear out that belief and
replace it with a new one that assists us in our growth and
the ability to live a life with purpose. It is not possible
to think our way through this territory, we have to “gut
it out”, and allow ourselves to feel and experience these
emotions without judgment.
Once we have experienced these emotions, it is time to look
at them, and then take them out for a test drive and see how
they feel when exposed to the light of day. Each emotion encloses
a message that will lead us toward our healing.
NEXT: TOSS OUT THE VICTIM
We are spiritual beings, here on earth trying to have a human
existence. Spiritual beings are part of their source; they
cannot be separated. It follows that if we are part of our
source, which is God or whatever name you call your Higher
Power, that we are powerful beyond measure. We just don’t
recognize it! It is our true nature to embody and exemplify
unconditional love.
There are only 2 emotions: love and the lack of love, better
known as fear. Only in the absence of love, can we feel fear
and think of ourselves as victims. When we think of ourselves
as victims, we give away our power to other people or circumstances.
Most of the time, we make this choice sub-consciously. Obviously,
why would we choose to give others power and control over
our lives and destiny? Therefore if we choose on any level,
then we can also un-choose, can’t we?
Sometimes we are lucky enough to have what Oprah calls a “light
bulb moment”, and this moment is our catalyst to change.
For others, if still requires more work.
It requires going back and figuring out what feelings were
present at the time that we assumed the victim role. In all
probability, this occurred during our childhood. It could
have been at a time of great emotional stress, at the time
of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, or during a time
of trauma.
We are remarkable creatures. We have the ability to create
any reality that we choose to manifest. Just think of the
last time you went to a movie and felt as if you absolutely
hated the villain. This role was created by an actor who “became
the role or villain”. It didn’t matter if the last
film that you saw him in was great; today you really thought
he was a schmuck.
So now that you have located the feeling and remembered the
memories, the question for you is ask yourself, what was the
purpose for assuming the role of the victim? The purpose is
not to make a judgment that you were wrong to do this at that
time, only to determine what need that served for you and
whether it still serves you today.
You will have to learn to listen for the answer. In this case,
your Angels or your Higher Power may “speak” to
you in any number of ways. You will have to be vigilant to
“hear” the answers. For some, it actually comes
as words in your head. For others, the light bulb moment comes
while watching a television program, reading a book or magazine,
having a conversation in the dentist’s waiting room,
or standing in line at Wal-Mart. But if you listen it will
come.
WHAT’S BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE?
Now comes the hard part. This is the part that we have blocked
because it’s been so painful for us to look at. This
is where we have to look at the part we played in the situation.
In any situation that had enough impact in our lives to “shut
us down”, there is a reason that we chose to participate.
Now before you panic and think “why would a child choose
to be abused?” or “why would I marry an alcoholic?”,
there is a reason. And we have to ask for the answer and once
again be willing to listen to the answer. And the answer will
always have to do with the lessons that we came here to learn,
no matter how painful. Sometimes a soul agrees to participate
in a scenario as the victim for any number of reasons, but
could include 1)so that you might find your healing and heal
others 2)so that the abuser would have a victim and therefore
have the opportunity to turn toward the light for their healing
and forgiveness 3)because your soul agreed to this role before
you were born 4)many abuse victims learn to tap into their
psychic abilities and help others 5)to help you learn strength
and boundaries 6)to enable you to remember who you really
are, a soul that cannot be harmed, or any reason that the
angels share with you. We have chosen this episode for a specific
reason. If we try and hide from that reason, we continue to
bring hurtful situations into our lives until we take the
opportunity to heal. All we have to do is ask for our true
purpose in the situation and then listen for the answer. It
will come…
WILL IT EVER STOP HURTING?
In a nutshell, yes, it begins as soon as we are able to see
the things that need to be healed. I suppose that it’s
like making the decision of either wanting to grow mold in
the dark, or wanting to grow roses in the sunshine. The most
beautiful moments in our lives happen in the light of spirit’s
love.
So, you’ve identified what you need to heal. Now what
do we do with it? We send it away to be purified. Let me give
you an example. Let’s say that the issue that you ultimately
identified was abandonment (it began in your childhood and
continued into friendships and relationships as you matured).
You begin by imagining what abandonment might look like to
you. Let’s say that you decide that it looks like a big,
dark, gooey ball. Yuk! I don’t want it!! So, close your
eyes and imagine that big, ugly, gooey dark ball in the palm
of your hand. Hold out your arm so that you can feel the weight
of that ball in the palm of your hand.
Now imagine that ball surrounded by the pink light of love,
warming it’s surface, softening it. Just let it stay
surrounded in the pink for a minute. Now, surround that pink
in a lovely shade of green for healing. See all of those ridges
and indentations begin to smooth out. It even feels a bit
lighter. Now it’s time to let it go. Ask the Angels to
take this ball of abandonment and take it to the light for
purification. Feel it lifting from the palm of your hand,
rising into infinity until you can no longer see it. Lower
your hand and thank the Angels for lifting this burden from
you.
Breath deeply and slowly. Now see the pink and green light
slowly descending from the heavens into the top of your head.
Feel it slowly ooze into your head, all warm and wonderful.
Feel it move down through your throat and into your chest
cavity. Feel it encircle your heart. Feel the love and healing
come into your heart and into your soul.
Now I need to mention how you may still feel about the person
or situation that caused you this hurt. The hurt of abandonment
has come back into your body healed and whole. But what about
those that you may feel caused this to you? Just as you have
been healed by Spirit, so can those others who need it in
their lives. If you have trouble with this process, I suggest
reading “Radical Forgiveness” by Colin Tipping.
It will help you understand why forgiveness is important for
you and your soul’s journey. It is possible to forgive
another human being who is trying to have a spiritual experience
and not forgive the act itself.
CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP
Just to make sure that we have adequately addressed the issues
that need to be healed, it would be best to re-visit that
memory one more time. See if you experience any changes in
perception. If you see or feel nothing, you have healed this
issue. If there is still some vestige of emotion left, then
you will want to try the process again. That does not mean
that you have failed in your attempts. It just means that
there was more to the situation than first met the eye. Once
you have tried the process, you will find that it is far less
intimidating the second time.
We need to remember that each person or situation that comes
into our lives comes with an invitation from us. They come
for blessings and they come for lessons. They come for our
highest and best purpose and they come for our healing and
to lead us down our path. Mostly we need to remember that
they come from our spirit. Perception is everything. It’s
like making lemonade from lemons. We just have to use the
right recipe.
FOR HELP WITH GRIEF OR FEAR, CONTACT DUSTY AT:
http://fromhere.to/SerenityCounseling
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